It’s a hot topic. Moms are feeling judged everywhere in every decision they make from food to diapers and everything in between. I’m sitting, quietly reading and observing. I get the hot bubble in my chest, the one I got before my car seat blog. I want to say something, but I can’t. People are going to be offended. I’m too afraid to lose friends. And then I heard the voice.
That’s not who you are. Since when are you afraid to share your feelings?
2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
Mommy wars aren’t real. There. I said it.
The roosevelts were on par with this topic.
Theodore Roosevelt said, “comparison is the thief of joy”
Eleanor Roosevelt said, “no on can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
People are going to have an opinion on your bottle choice, just like they have an opinion on your short choice. Sure, in the normal world, when we didn’t have kids, nobody shared their judgement. They kept it to themselves, annoyed by your short-shorts quietly until they could go find someone else to talk about it with.
The trouble with “mommy wars” is that people share their opinions. However, when we sit around here telling them to keep their pro-breastfeeding, baby wearing, cloth diapering choices to themselves, we are doing something else. We are returning the “judgement and shame” and, chances are, we’re still going to travel on our merry way to our best friend’s house to talk about that mom and her alternative parenting.
First, lets pin point a few topics that the Bible doesn’t share. It doesn’t tell us to find parents who are likeminded. It doesn’t tell us we need support from other parents. It doesn’t tell us that there is a right way to feed, clothe, or travel with your child.
It does tell you a few things that are right:
Psalms 127:3-5 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; And when he is old he will not depart from it.
Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Ephesians 4:16 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
That tells me my job as a mother was given to me by God. That I should train my children in the ways of the Lord. That any advice on parenting I share should be done in love. All the other stuff doesn’t matter in the end, so long as they know Him.
That being said, knowing who we are in the Lord helps us make those daily decisions. If your confidence is lacking in a parenting decision, did you pray about it? Or did you lean on your own understanding?
When I look at choices I face in caring for my children, I kneel first at the feet of the Lord. Then, I stand confidently in my decision, which is rooted in Him.
2 Corinthians 10:12 Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.
Galatians 1:10 For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ
Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect
Knowing who I am in Christ is the only way for me to parent. Without Him, I’m lost, insecure, confused, and judgemental.
And with that peace that passes understanding, I humbly request advice daily. I am not above asking for help. From my mother, from another mom at church, from a mom who has a child the same age at the playground. If we remove the right for other parents of all ages to share their understanding of parenthood, we lose a valuable asset. God uses anyone and everyone for His will, and if I shut out people, I could be shutting out Him.
The power of prayer is a beautiful thing. Let us lean on Him in parenthood, because without Him, we are nothing.
It’s time we stopped recognizing mommy wars. It’s time we took control of our feelings, because they are the greatest liars. No one can make you feel anything, so own your insecurity and heartache, and bring it to God’s feet. God gave me my children just as He gave you yours. Your needs and their needs are different from ours, and only God truly knows them.
Matthew 6:8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.